This is my life (non-food post)

Tonight I had a long soul cleansing time of crying. I knew today would be an extremely busy day, and I didn't know how or if anything would turn out as planned.
I went to my Zumba class at my college - yes, I'm taking it for credit - and directly afterwards I was supposed to have had a photo shoot. Some thoughtful girls at the college wanted to honor the honor roll students. I wanted to participate badly. The time slot for the photo shoot was from 1800-1900 hours. Problem...Zumba doesn't let out until around 1830...even leaving early I knew I would struggle to make my appointment. I would have to shower, change into clothes, style my hair, and re-apply my makeup. 

I didn't make my appointment. There was no photo shoot. At 1845 I was only partially ready with half of my hair curled and tears started streaming down my face.

I wish I could begin to explain why I was such an emotional mess. I know part of the reason, and part of the reason is wanting the college and those that sponsor events to understand not all students have just graduated high school. Some of us work a full 40 hour week, and we go to college at night. 

My typical day starts at 0530 where I drag myself out of bed and get ready for work. I leave my place usually at 0630 to be to work by 0700 and I'm there until 1530...then I have traffic to contend with. On a good day I can make it home by 1600, otherwise I may not be home until 1615. Once I get home I typically am getting dressed for my college classes as appropriate -Zumba, or Water Aerobics (don't judge...I'm exercising!) AND I'm having to get clothes ready for my non-health/wellness classes afterwards PLUS I'm getting dinner prepped...OR I might have it cooking in the crockpot. 

By 1710 I'm on the road to college. Most nights I'm not out of college until 2030 hours...which means I get home around 2100, sometimes earlier depending on if I gave myself the night off, or if the professor has let us out early. 

If dinner isn't cooking in the crockpot you know I'll cook dinner and it will be a quick dinner! I'm not going to spend an hour cooking - especially if I'm borderline hangry! 

How do I manage to do homework, or study? You'll find the answer to that on google. I'm kidding, actually with the two classes with homework, it has been quite the adventure. I have the same professor, different books, and different cases but the classes/cases are SO similar I've actually read the wrong book, submitted the wrong case to the wrong class!  If you're confused, try being me. How I've managed to keep my grades up I can't even explain! Studying ahem umm I barely read the book AT all. 

How do I find time to work with the Allrecipes Allstars? You tell me, you've basically seen my schedule and how I manage I don't know. It's about to get even crazier as I've been accepted to volunteer with the Marine Corps Toys for Tots.

So tonight I cried...tears were streaming down my face and I struggled to breathe. No one but ME cares if I even get this degree. In fact if I quit right now...the only one who I would disappoint would be myself. There were various thoughts going through my mind...thoughts of "you don't make a difference" "no one cares about you" "people are engrossed in their own world" "just forget it" "it's not a big deal", etc.,

The thing is...this photo shoot, trivial as it might be, does matter...it matters to me. Being an honor roll student matters to me. It IS a big deal to me. 

I don't expect anyone to even remotely understand my life...but I suppose it's my life because I'm more than capable of handling the challenges and obstacles that come my way.